THE AFTER SHOCKS OF CHILD ABUSE

When I refer to my physical and emotional healing after suffering a history of child neglect and abuse, I say I am “mostly recovered” and “mostly healed.”  Those who know me casually sometimes tell me: “You don’t act like an adult abused as a child.  You seem perfectly normal to me and you have had a successful career many would envy.”  I usually mutter something about resilience in children and I may well be among the 15% of abused children, some with histories far worse than mine, who seem to recover and live successful lives despite everything.   Even so, one reality of the tragedy of child abuse is that it always leaves after shocks.   

I agree with the Buddhists about causes and inevitable effects.  Every action we take in this life for good or ill leaves a result that cannot just be wiped away.  That is the iron law of cause and effect.   Christians teach much that same thing when they say that while our misdeeds can be forgiven, that does not mean the harm those acts cause can be nullified.

Those who know me well recognize what I call my residue of child abuse.    Here are some of the signs they see.  I have a powerful startle reaction to loud noise, so strong that those who observe it comment on it.  Furthermore, if anyone’s hand or arm comes near my head suddenly, even in acts of affection, I flinch so strongly I am usually asked, “What’s wrong?  Why did you do that?”

There is yet another residue of child abuse.  My wife, who came from a loving family and had an unusually happy childhood, likes to relate her wonderfully delightful dreams.  Almost all of my dreams, on the other hand, are unhappy and filled with anxiety.  Many are full blown nightmares.  Only rarely do I have a happy dream. 

So these are some of the visible and rather obvious signs of child abuse.  There are, of course, other and invisible symptoms among adults abused as children.  But that’s another discussion.  

I am not complaining.  Despite my early history of abuse I have had an exciting and fulfilling life and may well be a more compassionate and sensitive person than if I not been abused.   I write this only to underline the seriousness and tragedy of child abuse.  It can never be entirely undone.